As it Always Been
by nanadewdrops
Summary: The heli crashed and you know we got tons of Shiraishi x Aizawa this time around and I just wanted to dig deeper into that (caution : no fluff what-so-ever and pretty sure this is my worst work to date) A/N: comments are well-loved Disclaimer : The image used is from babyshazam (thank you again!)


"The heli failed landing." his heart almost dropped when he heard it. Everyone in the room who just a few seconds ago was running around to prepare for the patients froze in their spot. It was impossible. It was unheard off. The helicopter that Lifesaving had been accustomed to for years since its establishment by Tadokoro-sensei and Kuroda-sensei that had flown more than a thousand times and had saved thousands of lives actually crashed?

With the new fellow, their in-training flight nurse and most importantly their one and only staff leader in tow?

His head was buzzing. The endless possibilities and outcomes and currently the ones that are playing in his head are the ones with the worse outcomes.

The next words that were being exchanged between Tachibana-sensei and the CS only sounds like muttered buzz in his ears. The helicopter crashed and there is that one possibility that Siraishi Megumi could actually-

No. he refused to have that scenario in his head no matter how high the chances are. And to think that the last words that he said to her was _'It's none of your business.'_

Luckily it was Saejima who took things under control and the words that came from her relieved the worse scenario that he had in his head.

"Connected to Shiraishi-sensei." at least he knows that she is alive.

"Shiraishi. Are you okay? Can you hear me?" questions came out like bullets when Tachibana-sensei got the line.

The voice that responded to those questions managed to comfort his troubled heart.

"I'm alright. The heli came in contact with a tree. Balance was thrown off and failed landing. It's impossible to fly now."

"Are there any injuries? Is Haitani and Yukimura safe?"

"All staffs are safe." was all that he needed to hear and just like that his switch was back on. He knew there would be some sort of injury on their side but Shiraishi said it herself that she was fine. It is better for him not to dwell on it so much. The situation at hand needs a doctor not an emotional wreck.

* * *

"You're being too soft on him." he said to Shiraishi as soon as Haitani and Yukimura excused themselves. They were alone in the staff room and she was on her laptop, typing out who knows what.

"He is already sorry enough for what had happened. And it is partly my fault that it happened." she answered. The rage that had been pushed down for so long emerged once again due to the fact that Shiraishi is actually defending the intern that actually caused the whole incident.

"You had to hang your head down and apologise for something that is not your fault." slamming the clipboard onto the desk, he stared straight at Shiraishi. Usually one would actually cower when Aizawa Kousaku is the one being angry but this is Shiraishi Megumi. She only looked up and stared at him back.

"And that injured foot means days off the heli duty." he saw she winced. Helicopter duty was everything to Shiraishi. Being told by Kuroda-sensei to fly more than anyone and to be the best at it is Shiraishi's goal and pride. Aizawa knows that more than anyone.

The staff leader sighed. "Even if Haitani-sensei is partly to be blamed, what do you want me to do? Send him off? Fail him of his fellowship? Is that it?" she paused.

"If that is what a staff leader should do whenever a fellow made a mistake then I should have my license being hanged after what I did to Kuroda-sensei."

"Shiraishi-" he faltered. She had never truly forgiven herself for what had happened 7 years ago. She should stop blaming herself. It was him who amputated the arm. Before he could say anything else, Yokomine was at the door, calling for Shiraishi. "Tachibana-sensei sent for you."

The staff leader nodded before she walked over to the door, ignoring Aizawa who was watching her every move. There was nothing more left to be said.

He is pissed and she is too and nothing good will ever be the turn out for that.

Aizawa only watched Shiraishi as she made her way to get outside of the room, slightly limping and dragging her leg behind. That injury will cost her heli record.

* * *

"Thanks for your hard work." Aizawa nodded as Shiraishi limped over to the door. The conversation that he just had with Shiraishi pointed certain things into vision.

They weren't just talking on how Haitani perceived things but it also relates to him himself. The mishap with Kanade's operation. He blames himself. If he hadn't go for Sugihara's surgery, if he was more efficient and if he was able to wrap Sugihara's surgery earlier. Shinkai wouldn't just cut out the tumour like that.

Amano Kanade could actually be saved. Her talent that she treasures more than life could actually be saved rather than compensating that with the tremors that she now has.

Aizawa sighed. He rarely regrets his decision especially when it comes to the surgeries that he had done. It had been Kuroda-sensei's amputation 7 years ago and now its Kanade.

It was his fault that he is not a great surgeon that he hoped to be.

* * *

" _It's just Haitani's stupid to not be able to have an objective view of the reality."_ he was actually talking about himself.

He was actually waiting for Shiraishi to say something. To say she agreed with him. To validate it. that it was _his_ fault.

But her words surprised him _. "I don't hate that part of Haitani-sensei."_ he scoffed. _"Besides, Haitani-sensei is not the only one who cannot have an objective point of view."_

Their eyes met and he knew she was saying the words to him.

' _It wasn't your fault that Amano Kanade can no longer play. You're the reason that she is still alive.'_

Maybe she is right.

* * *

"Did he jump? Do you think it was on purpose?" the four of them were in the staff room, with Fujikawa being the blabber mouth, vocalizing the questions that they all were thinking. Hiyama shrugged and Aizawa looked over to Shiraishi.

Compared to the other two, she had not spoken a single word since Haitani had been placed in the ward. Suddenly she got up and walked right out of the room. Hiyama nudged Fujikawa and he elbowed her back.

Neither one of them is brave enough to go and talk to her. Aizawa sighed. Surprising Hiyama and Fujikawa, he himself got up and trailed after Shiraishi.

"Here." she didn't even look up to him as she muttered a low 'thank you' when he gave her the coffee.

He didn't even say anything. He just sat next to her. Gazing at the helicopter. As they always do.

"If…" she started. "If I realised it earlier would this even happen?"

"Shiraishi. It's his choice."

"I'm supposed to guide them. To look after them, teaching them the ropes." for a second she choked. "I'll never be as good as Kuroda-sensei. It was wrong for Tachibana-sensei to place me in charge." Aizawa sighed.

He got up and kneeled in front of the staff leader. "Shiraishi." she lifted her head and he saw her tear-stained face and puffy eyes, as he suspected it, she was crying.

And just like what he did in the subway 7 years ago when Shiraishi was unable to save a live, he stood in front of her. Not saying anything because he knows there is no point to.

This time around it was slightly different. Because 7 years ago it was just Shiraishi crying and Aizawa shielding her away from peering eyes. This time around, he was kneeling in front of her and holding her hand because he wants to.


End file.
